Finally after a month of not speaking to my crush, I gathered enough courage to strike up a conversation with him last Thursday, by asking him knows another in his profession from another bank.
They actually have a lot of common ties, too much to explain here. He asked how I know him, I said friend of a friend, which is true. I fished him out of my random attendance at a Chinese university's reunion event, where a guy I met there brought him to lunch subsequently. It is too hard to explain. The mystery however, added a sense of power to me, which I liked. I guess I've always had an inquisitive nature, and I do "waste" a lot of time finding out how the world and the people around me worked.
In any case, he did not commit to the lunch but did talk for quite a while with me. He told me that the broking industry used to be profitable, like in the 80's and 90's in the US where people made millions. Now it is no different than driving a taxi. Barrier to competition is not that high. He said his relative with no background started retail clothing shops and expanded to three in no time. I should do the same. I was happy to talk to him like a normal person at last. The next day though, we fell back into silence, where we sat side by side eating lunch by ourselves at our desks without exchanging a word. He bumped into me outside. He was listening to music like always and I was too. We exchanged greeting finally by nodding and it was odd - like I found my mirror self talking to me.
I remember my first crush, my biology teacher in high school, how he drove me home for three or four months before I finished my freshman year in high school just so I can finish the honors biology course. I had a crush on him and on a casual occasion when he showed us his driver's license, I memorized his birth date and his address. The summer after I left school, I wrote him an 80-page letter then sent to him for his birthday. He shocked me by showing up at the restaurant worked at and said his wife wanted to meet me. That it was the best birthday present he ever got. Gosh, this 16 year old me is really no different decades later... the crush on married men, the Amelie-like stealthiness. It would be really nice if one day I find that one guy that I can fall deeply in love with, because that is my nature to fall deep into something.
I had dinner at an ex-coworker's place. She's a great entrepreneur and at 40, just got engaged to a 46-year-old guy after five months dating. Now she's just interested in having a child as soon as possible. She invited two single guy friends to dinner. I had met them before, and one black guy I had slept with before but no one else knows. The other guy is an Asian Australian. It is just slightly hard for me to raise my interest. My friend's fiancee commented that I am sophisticated and probably scare off a lot of guys. I should tell people that I work in backoffice admin. Is that the way? But then what kind of self would I be presenting to others, the not truthful self? How can I start a relationship with a lie?
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