My two day trip to Da Nang is slowly drawing to an end. There were two cute guys at my hotel (albeit 10 bucks a night). One was a friendly Australian guy from Adelaide finishing up his Phd in coastal management and another a university student from Seattle studying environmental science. They both work in Huy, a former capital or important trade city of some kind, teaching and researching agriculture.
They have a nice fresh look, natural fit bodies and good looks. No balding head and hanging gut and brewing cynicism from the older guys I meet. I wish I could have fallen for one of these guys in college. It would have been easy and sweet. The Australian guy C told me he's been in Vietnam for 8 months now and hadn't gone back home once. He's reading a book called 'The philosopher and the wolf,' which inspired him a lot about the difference between human and animals. I used to have those talks in college. Real world seems to be wrapped up with talks of expediency. He learned about 'propinquity'- the basis of which humans form relationships, indeed one of the most profound lessons I learned in my MBA is also that proximity is the number one reason people get married, not the commonly believed money, status or good looks. So much to finding your soulmate.
Does that mean I have to move just as a lot people seem to suggest openly and not so openly? Where would I move to? He said that he formed lots of close relationships in Vietnam because there are fewer foreigners. That's how I felt in the Philippines. In Hong Kong, I'm just another girl, and no one has the time and patience to know who you are. Heck, I don't even have time to find out myself about myself. But then again, one doesn't just pick up and move like that. Not like I'm a millionaire. Even if I am, it would mean nothing in Hong Kong.
So what I also learned reading The Economist this morning is that people who have kids live longer than those who do not. Perhaps these are all inception ideas leading me to the next stage.
On a side note, Da Nang and the neiboring cities of Hoi An are very cute. It is by the Oceanside and still has a very relaxed atmosphere. I wonder if it would be a good place to invest. Lots of prime Oceanside residences are being built. This is not your normal shack in seedy coastal town of Southeast Asia but truy luxurious spots like banyan tree ones. Although it is a communist country still that deters people from investing, I wonder how long one of the last communist state may remain standing when those around it slowly or quicky faded away. Anyway I also think you need to be Vietnamese to buy, but its a nice idea to explore.
On to Hanoi in an hour. If you are ever in Vietnam, I'd recommend the cu chi tunnels near hcmc and the central Vietnam region here. I hear Hanoi is very 'Chinese,' meaning money grubbing. Off I go.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
Ho Chi Minh wandering
I landed in Ho Chi Minh city last night and have walked around the city multiple times. The city is smaller, friendlier and slightly more developed than I expected. It is by far the cheapest place I've traveled to so far. One usd cn stretch pretty far here. My hotel costs US$25 a night. Tomorrow I head to Danang, where my hotel would cost just US$10. The amenities are quite decent in fact.
So getting back to the topic of love, I met up with P, an Indian girl I went to business school with and who is currently working in Vietnam where her husband is also stationed as a higher up executive with Citibank. She's pretty much my age and after giving to her son who is 2.5 years old, she's pregnant with boy/girl twin due mid April next year. We had a great conversation over dinner. She has been married 10 years through an arranged marriage. After patiently hearing my venting, she shared that marriage, even not with the right one, the absolute mr. Right, is still with it because of kids. Loving kids and loving the guy is quite a separate matter. Even if one does not absolutely love the guy, one should still love kids. More reason for me to go for it.
After hearing about my 100 dates plan, she kindly offered to set me up with an ex-boss figure who was the CEO of credit Suisse, a Czech guy that looks like David Beckman. Wow! I am ready, I said. The guy is also looking and is 39. Right age group and profile. Maybe this thing really is going somewhere.
I also shared with her that a headhunter had contacted me for a head of research position at another major Chinese bank. I am concerned that if I were to take such a spot I would be too threatening to my potential suitors. She agreed. I can't ruin my chances more by having a title like 'head of research.' Even though I think I can do the job, perhaps I solid wait a year after this guy thing is sorted out.
Tomorrow I'm off to cu chin, Vietnamese wartime tunnels. Then I will head to the beach town of Danang where it will much cooler.
So getting back to the topic of love, I met up with P, an Indian girl I went to business school with and who is currently working in Vietnam where her husband is also stationed as a higher up executive with Citibank. She's pretty much my age and after giving to her son who is 2.5 years old, she's pregnant with boy/girl twin due mid April next year. We had a great conversation over dinner. She has been married 10 years through an arranged marriage. After patiently hearing my venting, she shared that marriage, even not with the right one, the absolute mr. Right, is still with it because of kids. Loving kids and loving the guy is quite a separate matter. Even if one does not absolutely love the guy, one should still love kids. More reason for me to go for it.
After hearing about my 100 dates plan, she kindly offered to set me up with an ex-boss figure who was the CEO of credit Suisse, a Czech guy that looks like David Beckman. Wow! I am ready, I said. The guy is also looking and is 39. Right age group and profile. Maybe this thing really is going somewhere.
I also shared with her that a headhunter had contacted me for a head of research position at another major Chinese bank. I am concerned that if I were to take such a spot I would be too threatening to my potential suitors. She agreed. I can't ruin my chances more by having a title like 'head of research.' Even though I think I can do the job, perhaps I solid wait a year after this guy thing is sorted out.
Tomorrow I'm off to cu chin, Vietnamese wartime tunnels. Then I will head to the beach town of Danang where it will much cooler.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Art jam and questions about kids
I just came back from a session at the Artjamm, an art studio where friends get together to paint. I did two paintings, one resembles the Windows background and another an abstract painting of a California poppy. The nature scene attracts me as it resides deep inside me - scenes of the countryside where I grew up in California - the beautiful colors of green and gold.
The painting session including supply cost HK$330, quite a deal I think. I would have spent the same amount buying someone else's copycat painting. Now I have bragging rights included. I am in fact surprised at how nicely they came out. I feel happy to have found an additional event to do here in Hong Kong, where activities normally seem to be confined to getting drunk in LKF or occasional hiking.
My friend A on the way back mentioned that marriage is necessary for forming families and having kids. One can't always confuse the kids and introduce new partners to them. That, I have to agree.
Do I want kids? I suppose everyone has kids. I am not opposed to them but I also really do like my freedom. Are they worth the sacrifice? A few times before when I had loved or had crush on the guys before, I would have liked to have kids with them. But if I were to settle for a guy, can I really create another human being into the world with that person? That is a hard question. If I am not so into having kids, should I do it anyway because that is the thing to do? Is it still necessary to get married then?
Tomorrow I'm off to Vietnam. For the first part of the trip (five days or so) I would be traveling alone. I hope I get some inspiration form the trip. I will be visiting Ho Chi Minh City followed by Danang and Hoi An.
The painting session including supply cost HK$330, quite a deal I think. I would have spent the same amount buying someone else's copycat painting. Now I have bragging rights included. I am in fact surprised at how nicely they came out. I feel happy to have found an additional event to do here in Hong Kong, where activities normally seem to be confined to getting drunk in LKF or occasional hiking.
My friend A on the way back mentioned that marriage is necessary for forming families and having kids. One can't always confuse the kids and introduce new partners to them. That, I have to agree.
Do I want kids? I suppose everyone has kids. I am not opposed to them but I also really do like my freedom. Are they worth the sacrifice? A few times before when I had loved or had crush on the guys before, I would have liked to have kids with them. But if I were to settle for a guy, can I really create another human being into the world with that person? That is a hard question. If I am not so into having kids, should I do it anyway because that is the thing to do? Is it still necessary to get married then?
Tomorrow I'm off to Vietnam. For the first part of the trip (five days or so) I would be traveling alone. I hope I get some inspiration form the trip. I will be visiting Ho Chi Minh City followed by Danang and Hoi An.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Merry Christmas
My friend M in Kenya had mentioned a very interesting and practical concept, that I should make it my goal to date 100 people and see where that goes. After that, if I don't find anyone, I should give up on the whole dating, marriage thing that the lays ahead for a 33-year old female in "society's track." Today, Christmas day 2012, I shall blog about it anonymously, for myself and for her, to try to navigate this ever confusing world of dating. I don't know how anyone really finds his or her soul mate.
Do people really find the other half or do they really settle because of the alternative of being alone seems a much more challenging state to be in in society. One friend mentions terms such as "spinsters, old maid and leftover girls," the emotional burden seems to pile up despite one's belief that perhaps not everyone is meant to like the constraints of a marriage and perhaps being alone really is the better state to be in. Regardless of all that, I shall try that 100 dates, at least 100 people I should venture to meet then see where fate leads me after that. I doubt that I can actually make it to 100 in this process but what the heck. It is worth a try.
This morning I had Christmas lunch with five boys and a girl, two guys are from the UK, one Chinese Australian from Melbourne and another an Australian Chinese guy from Sydney, who invited me. Another one is my friend A who is a 27-year-old entrepreneur in Hong Kong, Chinese Canadian. Let's just ignore the girl part. She's a university friend from Sydney.
The guys all tend to be younger these days. I have a crush on a coworker who married someone four years older, so perhaps I should open that age restriction as well, though I do think I'd fare better with someone slightly older. J, my ex, in San Francisco, also said that I like a gentler older guy. My "trade" in this case would be my relative youth. He said he knows that I have all these "degrees," Stanford, etc, but in the game of love, Hong Kong is a competitive place with lots of eye candies. Degrees mattered once upon a time in my life, but perhaps in finding a mate right now, it may be more restrictive than helpful. So let me just narrow my scope to someone educated and someone that I can deal with and can deal with me. Lately I've been into more Chinese guys after working in a Chinese firm. Though the combination of an international Chinese is a bit more difficult. I do not want to lose that side of me, being able to understand the language and culture of an important rising nation that I call my birthplace and that I feel deeply inside, though it has been buried under many years of western education and washed out now by my deep understanding of the western culture/philosophy. We'll see where that takes us. Stay open-minded.
Nothing came from the lunch. One Brit was rather quiet and works for Lexis Nexis, and the other works for the British consul and is on rotation. I don't know if I will stay in touch. They grew up differently. The Beijing guy from Melbourne was born in 1984 and perhaps too young for me. He also mentioned that women in their 30's and 40's are desperate, which is a bit of a turnoff. That's the thing with age, one needs to deal with that fact that they will always see you as older and you will too yourself, and that imbalance makes the relationship harder to sustain. They all went on a hike afterwards to the peak and I didn't go.
I instead played squash with a guy from Cali. I have no idea what he is doing in Hong Kong. A lot of people just seem to be hanging out in Asia, in the name of finding themselves, even though they are over 35 etc. This guy's parents now retired in Riverside, and I thought that's a great connection since I spent my formative years (elementary school through high school) in the suburban town Riverside. The fact that he seems a bit dazed and is lost here in Hong Kong, doing no particular job other than reading high schooler's college application. He has a MD from the States, and I wonder what he's doing with it. He will be traveling in Southeast Asia for a month in January. A new transplant to Hong Kong, I find that there is a bit of a distance between us - I am slightly frustrated that he doesn't speak or appreciate Chinese as much. I need to hide more of my feelings I think. In relationship, a lot of it is about respecting another's feelings. Everyone comes with weaknesses, and one needs to just keep it inside. Voicing it may just hurt another's feelings. He left after squash to talk to his cousin. He turned down a poker game invitation at my place. I also felt awkward cause I didn't want to just hang out because it is Christmas.
I went to dinner and had a drink with the young entrepreneur guy. He said he's going to be a billionaire and make great progress on his startup or he's going to kill himself. Quite critical of those around us who have not made much of their lives, I wanted to tell him that a lot of it is fate and the cards one's been dealt with. One really needs to be more lenient with others. Life isn't easy. Yet at the same time, I echo that feeling. I appreciate my job because of the artificial track it gives me. One guy at work used to say that without someone's support, you are just like a lose leaf in the wind. I've been helped by a few important people in my life, I hope that I can be taken under the wing of another as I go on.
Enough rambling. I will try to meet more people through my existing activity base here in Hong Kong and through websites I signed up - asiafriendfinder, rightstuffdating, and select search. I will update on my adventures and keep myself on track on those dates. It would be hard to define dates really, but I hope to at least chronicle 100 people in my life that are "potentials."
Do people really find the other half or do they really settle because of the alternative of being alone seems a much more challenging state to be in in society. One friend mentions terms such as "spinsters, old maid and leftover girls," the emotional burden seems to pile up despite one's belief that perhaps not everyone is meant to like the constraints of a marriage and perhaps being alone really is the better state to be in. Regardless of all that, I shall try that 100 dates, at least 100 people I should venture to meet then see where fate leads me after that. I doubt that I can actually make it to 100 in this process but what the heck. It is worth a try.
This morning I had Christmas lunch with five boys and a girl, two guys are from the UK, one Chinese Australian from Melbourne and another an Australian Chinese guy from Sydney, who invited me. Another one is my friend A who is a 27-year-old entrepreneur in Hong Kong, Chinese Canadian. Let's just ignore the girl part. She's a university friend from Sydney.
The guys all tend to be younger these days. I have a crush on a coworker who married someone four years older, so perhaps I should open that age restriction as well, though I do think I'd fare better with someone slightly older. J, my ex, in San Francisco, also said that I like a gentler older guy. My "trade" in this case would be my relative youth. He said he knows that I have all these "degrees," Stanford, etc, but in the game of love, Hong Kong is a competitive place with lots of eye candies. Degrees mattered once upon a time in my life, but perhaps in finding a mate right now, it may be more restrictive than helpful. So let me just narrow my scope to someone educated and someone that I can deal with and can deal with me. Lately I've been into more Chinese guys after working in a Chinese firm. Though the combination of an international Chinese is a bit more difficult. I do not want to lose that side of me, being able to understand the language and culture of an important rising nation that I call my birthplace and that I feel deeply inside, though it has been buried under many years of western education and washed out now by my deep understanding of the western culture/philosophy. We'll see where that takes us. Stay open-minded.
Nothing came from the lunch. One Brit was rather quiet and works for Lexis Nexis, and the other works for the British consul and is on rotation. I don't know if I will stay in touch. They grew up differently. The Beijing guy from Melbourne was born in 1984 and perhaps too young for me. He also mentioned that women in their 30's and 40's are desperate, which is a bit of a turnoff. That's the thing with age, one needs to deal with that fact that they will always see you as older and you will too yourself, and that imbalance makes the relationship harder to sustain. They all went on a hike afterwards to the peak and I didn't go.
I instead played squash with a guy from Cali. I have no idea what he is doing in Hong Kong. A lot of people just seem to be hanging out in Asia, in the name of finding themselves, even though they are over 35 etc. This guy's parents now retired in Riverside, and I thought that's a great connection since I spent my formative years (elementary school through high school) in the suburban town Riverside. The fact that he seems a bit dazed and is lost here in Hong Kong, doing no particular job other than reading high schooler's college application. He has a MD from the States, and I wonder what he's doing with it. He will be traveling in Southeast Asia for a month in January. A new transplant to Hong Kong, I find that there is a bit of a distance between us - I am slightly frustrated that he doesn't speak or appreciate Chinese as much. I need to hide more of my feelings I think. In relationship, a lot of it is about respecting another's feelings. Everyone comes with weaknesses, and one needs to just keep it inside. Voicing it may just hurt another's feelings. He left after squash to talk to his cousin. He turned down a poker game invitation at my place. I also felt awkward cause I didn't want to just hang out because it is Christmas.
I went to dinner and had a drink with the young entrepreneur guy. He said he's going to be a billionaire and make great progress on his startup or he's going to kill himself. Quite critical of those around us who have not made much of their lives, I wanted to tell him that a lot of it is fate and the cards one's been dealt with. One really needs to be more lenient with others. Life isn't easy. Yet at the same time, I echo that feeling. I appreciate my job because of the artificial track it gives me. One guy at work used to say that without someone's support, you are just like a lose leaf in the wind. I've been helped by a few important people in my life, I hope that I can be taken under the wing of another as I go on.
Enough rambling. I will try to meet more people through my existing activity base here in Hong Kong and through websites I signed up - asiafriendfinder, rightstuffdating, and select search. I will update on my adventures and keep myself on track on those dates. It would be hard to define dates really, but I hope to at least chronicle 100 people in my life that are "potentials."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)