My friend M in Kenya had mentioned a very interesting and practical concept, that I should make it my goal to date 100 people and see where that goes. After that, if I don't find anyone, I should give up on the whole dating, marriage thing that the lays ahead for a 33-year old female in "society's track." Today, Christmas day 2012, I shall blog about it anonymously, for myself and for her, to try to navigate this ever confusing world of dating. I don't know how anyone really finds his or her soul mate.
Do people really find the other half or do they really settle because of the alternative of being alone seems a much more challenging state to be in in society. One friend mentions terms such as "spinsters, old maid and leftover girls," the emotional burden seems to pile up despite one's belief that perhaps not everyone is meant to like the constraints of a marriage and perhaps being alone really is the better state to be in. Regardless of all that, I shall try that 100 dates, at least 100 people I should venture to meet then see where fate leads me after that. I doubt that I can actually make it to 100 in this process but what the heck. It is worth a try.
This morning I had Christmas lunch with five boys and a girl, two guys are from the UK, one Chinese Australian from Melbourne and another an Australian Chinese guy from Sydney, who invited me. Another one is my friend A who is a 27-year-old entrepreneur in Hong Kong, Chinese Canadian. Let's just ignore the girl part. She's a university friend from Sydney.
The guys all tend to be younger these days. I have a crush on a coworker who married someone four years older, so perhaps I should open that age restriction as well, though I do think I'd fare better with someone slightly older. J, my ex, in San Francisco, also said that I like a gentler older guy. My "trade" in this case would be my relative youth. He said he knows that I have all these "degrees," Stanford, etc, but in the game of love, Hong Kong is a competitive place with lots of eye candies. Degrees mattered once upon a time in my life, but perhaps in finding a mate right now, it may be more restrictive than helpful. So let me just narrow my scope to someone educated and someone that I can deal with and can deal with me. Lately I've been into more Chinese guys after working in a Chinese firm. Though the combination of an international Chinese is a bit more difficult. I do not want to lose that side of me, being able to understand the language and culture of an important rising nation that I call my birthplace and that I feel deeply inside, though it has been buried under many years of western education and washed out now by my deep understanding of the western culture/philosophy. We'll see where that takes us. Stay open-minded.
Nothing came from the lunch. One Brit was rather quiet and works for Lexis Nexis, and the other works for the British consul and is on rotation. I don't know if I will stay in touch. They grew up differently. The Beijing guy from Melbourne was born in 1984 and perhaps too young for me. He also mentioned that women in their 30's and 40's are desperate, which is a bit of a turnoff. That's the thing with age, one needs to deal with that fact that they will always see you as older and you will too yourself, and that imbalance makes the relationship harder to sustain. They all went on a hike afterwards to the peak and I didn't go.
I instead played squash with a guy from Cali. I have no idea what he is doing in Hong Kong. A lot of people just seem to be hanging out in Asia, in the name of finding themselves, even though they are over 35 etc. This guy's parents now retired in Riverside, and I thought that's a great connection since I spent my formative years (elementary school through high school) in the suburban town Riverside. The fact that he seems a bit dazed and is lost here in Hong Kong, doing no particular job other than reading high schooler's college application. He has a MD from the States, and I wonder what he's doing with it. He will be traveling in Southeast Asia for a month in January. A new transplant to Hong Kong, I find that there is a bit of a distance between us - I am slightly frustrated that he doesn't speak or appreciate Chinese as much. I need to hide more of my feelings I think. In relationship, a lot of it is about respecting another's feelings. Everyone comes with weaknesses, and one needs to just keep it inside. Voicing it may just hurt another's feelings. He left after squash to talk to his cousin. He turned down a poker game invitation at my place. I also felt awkward cause I didn't want to just hang out because it is Christmas.
I went to dinner and had a drink with the young entrepreneur guy. He said he's going to be a billionaire and make great progress on his startup or he's going to kill himself. Quite critical of those around us who have not made much of their lives, I wanted to tell him that a lot of it is fate and the cards one's been dealt with. One really needs to be more lenient with others. Life isn't easy. Yet at the same time, I echo that feeling. I appreciate my job because of the artificial track it gives me. One guy at work used to say that without someone's support, you are just like a lose leaf in the wind. I've been helped by a few important people in my life, I hope that I can be taken under the wing of another as I go on.
Enough rambling. I will try to meet more people through my existing activity base here in Hong Kong and through websites I signed up - asiafriendfinder, rightstuffdating, and select search. I will update on my adventures and keep myself on track on those dates. It would be hard to define dates really, but I hope to at least chronicle 100 people in my life that are "potentials."
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