Lesson 1 for being Chinese: Avoid the topic

The one thing that I have noticed being with my Chinese colleague is that most people are very private.  After  sitting next to someone for almost two years, no one really knows anything other than a few vague facts about that person.

I tried asking what I shall call my ex-crush a few details about what he did over vacation or garden leave etc, and every time I was met with a reluctant and awkward answer.  I know this is partly his socially awkward behavior but the same thing happened with my more jovial coworkers.  What does your wife do?  What did you do before joining our bank?  I asked the guy sitting in front of me.  Every time he smiled and shifted the topic to something else, like "Oh, what time is it now?" "Oh, look at this plate."

I asked that Chinese coworker to lunch and he jovially accepted yesterday.  We were at a Chinese restaurant in Sheung Wan and again I was curious and asked what his wife does for a living.  Again, he pretended to not have heard and moved on with the conversation.  Gosh, do people believe that I work for the KGB or the equivalent of one in China?  Why are people so wary?

Oh well, when in Rome, do what the Romans do.  When it was his turn to ask, "Do you own your place in Hong Kong?"  normally I would have happily answered and then proceed the conversation with greater interest as I share my experience on down payment and interest rate and benefiting from an unexpected property bubble, but this time is different.  I said nothing.  Instead I looked at our food and said the chicken is spicy.

Why not practice the art and do unto others what they do unto you.  I was happy that I avoided the topic in a crafty way.  I know a well-to-do Caucasian roommate's father does the same thing.  Once I went to her family Thanksgiving dinner in Carmel.  When he was asked a question, he'd just stuff a bread into his mouth so he does not have to answer.  What a polite way to avoid conflict and to avoid talking too much as in my case. And this extends the racial line.  Though I just have to practice it a lot more in my Chinese crowd, especially with people I suspect would do the same thing to me.  My guy friend from SF is visiting.  He said his natural instinct is just not to share anything personal with people.  That's probably a good idea.  Of course, I'm sharing it instead with the invisible mass public on the web...