A miserable start to the year of snake

Working in finance in Hong Kong means that every year end you invariably anxiously await the announcement of a bonus.  It is in fact part of the reason why we are all here.  Being an optimist, I always have high hopes for "a decent amount."  Late last night, I was communicated a number that shocked me.  In all the years I have worked in the industry, I have never gotten anything remotely close, even in the first year when I contributed nothing to the firm.  In effect, my bonus came out to be about 6%.  I was angry and upset.  After talking to my ex in San Francisco however, he calmed me down.  It is a mercenary trade and I should not be feeling a sense of attachment that I often feel with the places that I work at.  Just move on.  It is what it is - it has all been decided on.  I did confront the HR head afterwards and vented.  Are they all saving the money for those with guarantees?  Well what do I expect?  Everyone's situation is different.  For whatever reason, guys who matter at the firm don't like me.  Maybe I talk too much.

This gives me more reason to change my situation.  I realize that the safe and relaxed atmosphere in a Chinese bank is not the long-term solution.  If nothing else, the lack of financial reward while working in financial industry is reason enough to try one's luck in the big bad world.  Life is never easy... you only live once.

I feel like things are a bit stacked against a girl in her career.  In a Chinese TV drama I'm watching, an obnoxious guy who is the competitor to a female corporate woman told her, "Leave the business to the guys.  A career can just as easily waste your best years as a bad guy."  But I cannot leave something that you've spent an entire life building.

Yes a new start this year.  I checked that the snake year is not good for my zodiac this year.  Maybe my new job would be something to look forward to? \

I saw my coworker in the lobby this morning along with a sales guy.  He waved and said hello to him and ignored me like he does recently.  Is it because I'm a woman?  Is it because he despises me?  Is it because I did not concede to him and his power/intelligence as an Asian/Chinese guy expects?  Anyway, love and hate are just two sides of the same coin, so easily flipped from one to another.  I shall try to reign in my feelings this year.  If I don't get anything out of working in a Chinese bank, the practice of being stoic is definitely useful...