Carpetbaggers and Chinese locusts

I had lunch with an old college friend who moved to Hong Kong in the past year.  A young Chinese transplant like myself, she grew up in New York and works in media.  A very headstrong girl.  Though it can get annoying at times, I am nonetheless interested to see the world from her perspectives.

She is a go-getter and made it a goal to find a boy marry him and have a kid all in the span of one year. She achieved it, along with a few of my other friends.  She recommended that Atlantic Monthly article "Marry him!" in 2008 that argued for settling.

When the conversation went to a more practical point, I said that I got what I needed from Hong Kong, that being citizenship and a house.  To any financier, that would be practical and correct.  My girlfriend cringed however and said that I sounded like a carpetbagger, or exactly like those Chinese locusts.

Do I? Isn't all that true in what I said?  Everyone's in some place for something right?  Like people move to the States to get a green card and make money, people move to New York to make it, etc, etc.  Of course, I won't bring up that I learned a lot and matured through the experience, but aren't we all enslaved in some way in society and striving for that next goal?  Am I too jaded or is she too idealistic?

In the evening time, despite the rain, I went to visit a local care group, or Bible Study group in Hong Kong.  The couple's home was in Tin Hau and a very good part of it.  I arrived all wet from walking uphill in the rain and they were surprised to see me.  The woman told me that their yearly sessions were already over but invited me in for tea and gave me an umbrella afterwards.  Their big house had five cats roaming about and gave me an instant feeling of home.  If I were living like them, of course I'd like Hong Kong!  The older guy told me that he was born in Shanghai but grew up in Hong Kong and his son having gone to Deerfield Academy, a premier boarding school in the US, now studies at Yale and is a swimmer there.  They are in fact leaving for San Francisco to meet up with him this holiday season.  An ideal life in Hong Kong indeed.

The back and forth

I escaped the smog in Shanghai, having experienced a terrible day last Friday in a mostly dreamlike cloud atmosphere, except your throat and your eyes tell you that it is not really that great for you.  Back in Hong Kong.  I am happy that there is a deadline to it all.  I can be here, enjoy the air, enjoy the food, but next Friday I will be off again.  I still have the same feeling toward my crush, but I am so happy that I can be leaving it all.  I do not want my emotion and actions be restricted by the environment.  I know I would not have the will power to fight it, so escaping makes it all so much easier, like a permanent vacation.

So many things going on around us in the macro economic environment, and I have lost on the Rmb appreciation in addition to the scary property price appreciation.  I want to capture it.  I would very much like to buy that apartment, even if it means stretching it a bit.  A million USD.  That's how much a half decent two bedroom apartment would cost. I am scrambling to gather the 300k down payment.  I want a base there.  It gives me purpose.  I am doing something... rather than being trapped by a job, by people, by place.
Ten days...

Grandma and girlfriends

Two separate topics:

First, my grandmother passed away today. She was 88 or so.  I think the end of a life can involve quite a lot of suffering, and you can slowly wither away.  I hope she went smoothly and is now without suffering.

Girlfriends.  One of the local girls was quite aggressive in meeting my guy friends and we all went out for corporate lunch today.  I do feel threatened around these younger girls, though she may be a friend. Especially in China when I feel like they know they have more power and can be using it.

Resting in Maldives

I am resting in Maldives as we speak, trying to work on a few things for work.  The resort island is beautiful but also quite expensive.  Getting here on speedboat from the capital Male cost almost 200 US alone.  Add to that the meal plan etc.  I do need a break though.  For almost half a year, I have been shuttling between Hong Kong and Shanghai and lying next to the beach of a neutral place is a good break.  Come Monday I am off to Shanghai again.  The morning I get into Hong Kong and in the evening I am off.  

I think it will be a good change.  Somehow my experience in Hong Kong has been deteriorating.  After all these years, it is a pity that it is still not home.  I don't know what I can find elsewhere but we shall see.  The one thing I need to find to do is running a profitable business so I do not need to rely on work for all my attention span and all my possibilities in life.  "Man is born free but everywhere he is in chains,"  that's the age old philosophy that still rings true.  I want to be free from my chains and really live a spectacular life, a creative one, and a truthful one.  I hope I can.  

The art of speaking and communicating

I think these days I am now back to my original goal of thinking before speaking.  After I came back to Hong Kong, I again was truthful in communicating my dissatisfaction of the place to those I meet.  It is a nice and convenient place but I feel it is not home.  Friends come and go but they are never that rooted.  A friend who tapped into my network has been meeting all my friends on my behalf annoyed me a bit.  Not only that, he has been talking negatively about me with my friends.  Oh, so and so also agreed with me, that you can be quite negative sometimes.  Oh, you could be like so and so.  Oh you are not really that social and interested in meeting people.  He says.  I tell you this because I know you can take it.

I think I need to filter my thoughts and what I say.  As we grow older, I find that everyone has an agenda to further his or her interest.  There is no pure interest in another person, even within a family.  People are all self-interested, especially when we roll out capitalism in the midst.  Words are like swords, they can spread love and hurt. Though they are invisible, they have lasting effects.  I see some less sophisticated friends that speak and ramble on with no clear purpose.  It shows one's intelligence and emotional intelligence to be able to send targeted messages to select people.  The art of conversation..

Met up with a lot of people and watched "Blue Jasmine" with an ex-colleague of mine.  It was a little depressing despite the great performance.  The top of the world to the bottom.  Hopefully in my climb through accumulated efforts I would never have to face that..

Maybe he's just not that into you..

I thought about why my crush has been just so utterly cold to me.  Besides being by nature a loner and a selfish person, I think he probably does not want to be dragged by his association with me.  He has done well in life and climbed out of the hole that life had placed him into.  He does not want to be at the same level professionally with a woman and he does not want a friend who is still lower than him in compensation and position.  And he does not want to be giving any false to an older woman when all he wants are young and pretty playthings around.

I have been quiet since coming back.  The office's cold atmosphere makes me want to cry everyday.  I have been keeping things to myself.  Being with myself is the safest.  It takes no extra energy and no extra guessing game about who to trust, who to confide in.  Saying too much makes one make mistakes that one would be able to avoid if keeping silent.

Everyone goes back to a family, with those they can spend time with.  I go back to a place by myself.  I just want peace and time to build my next path - I don't want to be inundated with sounds and things and activities that can attract with my inner peace.  I am doing yoga everyday now.  It has been good.

I saw the private equity girl who used to circle around in the bathroom today putting on makeup and going out hunting presumably.  I felt cold around her and did not stop to say hello.  There is no need.  I am keeping all my time and energy to myself now.

And I did meet someone at the airport

Surprisingly enough I did meet someone at the airport, as I had been keeping my eyes open.  I bumped into my HK crush on the same flight.  I was on the phone when we were lining up for the flight but went over and tapped him on the shoulder.  I then went to the end of the line and waited, continuing my conversation with my uncle.  When walking past his row on the plane, I asked how come hes's not choosing first class.  He said no.

I wondered if I would see him after the flight landed but he went off by himself.  This is after not being in Hong Kong for three weeks.  I guess he's just not interested in forming a normal friendship.  Maybe that's the best.  Is this God's prayer being answered actually?  Who else will I meet who is available and attractive and reciprocal in this trip?