I thought about why my crush has been just so utterly cold to me. Besides being by nature a loner and a selfish person, I think he probably does not want to be dragged by his association with me. He has done well in life and climbed out of the hole that life had placed him into. He does not want to be at the same level professionally with a woman and he does not want a friend who is still lower than him in compensation and position. And he does not want to be giving any false to an older woman when all he wants are young and pretty playthings around.
I have been quiet since coming back. The office's cold atmosphere makes me want to cry everyday. I have been keeping things to myself. Being with myself is the safest. It takes no extra energy and no extra guessing game about who to trust, who to confide in. Saying too much makes one make mistakes that one would be able to avoid if keeping silent.
Everyone goes back to a family, with those they can spend time with. I go back to a place by myself. I just want peace and time to build my next path - I don't want to be inundated with sounds and things and activities that can attract with my inner peace. I am doing yoga everyday now. It has been good.
I saw the private equity girl who used to circle around in the bathroom today putting on makeup and going out hunting presumably. I felt cold around her and did not stop to say hello. There is no need. I am keeping all my time and energy to myself now.
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