A city of clerks?

There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in a day.  I start trying to take care of errands here and there, and before I know it, the day would often be over already.  Now I cannot imagine what it would be like trying to take care of a child, running a family etc.  Buying grocery, cooking, running to facials.. and the days are gone.

I am happy I am moving toward my goal of splitting life between Hong Kong and Shanghai.  Since coming back to Hong Kong, I bought five tickets package to Shanghai to be used before March next year.  That leaves me time to visit Shanghai almost every month as planned.  Airport express tickets, also checked. 

Now my heart can be hung in a different spot, I am noticing that I might not really stay here.  Hong Kong has a lot to offer, most of all convenience, but I just don't have the same kind of chemistry with the city and the people.  It just doesn't belong to me.  I can visit, have fun, yet it just isn't me.  

A business friend called it "a city of clerks."  I think there is some truth to that.  After all, it is what makes the city run, what make the businessmen impressed and the bosses happy.  Yet it really has less of a soul because of its expediency.  I say that as a generalization because there are always lots of exceptions.  I remember my first boss telling me as I landed here in almost ten years ago.  Relationships in Hong Kong are superficial he told me.  I could not understand him then.  I never lived in a city like this before.  I understand him now almost a decade later.  

I long to go back to somewhere else now.  I am here because of the convenience of going to work, my two-year gym membership, my facial package, and my Netflix and Hulu.  But in terms of relationships, I just don't meet any real good friends any more.  Not those one can use, but ones one can really feel for, ones that one can fall in love with...

A modern Chinese marriage

Back in Hong Kong and thankful for the fast and uninhibited internet access here.  My ex-crush is out of town on vacation.  I'm reminded of a dinner conversation I had with my Chinese returnee entrepreneur friends last week.

He likes talking about money and power, and emphasized the importance of power, especially in China.  In our march toward mid age, we all realize a bit how the world works and how limited our potential for power and money really is.

Anyhow, he and his wife mentioned how in the premier Chinese finance shops, the lower level people all have government connections.  Those workers, the ones who rose through Tsinghua and Beida, with overseas experience, often try to marry into the political family for further support.  This reminded me of someone I know who married his associate.  I told them about it.  They immediately told me that he must have either knocked her up or she's so-and-so's daughter.  "But couldn't he have married for love?" I asked. "No.  People don't do that in China."  the wife interjected.

I guess they don't mean all of China but rather in the sensitive spot between finance and politics.  It makes sense.  It is expedient.

First visit to church in Shanghai and last night in Shanghai

I visited an English Christian church in the center or town in the afternoon, catching up for dessert with a young Chinese Canadian guy I met in a meetup event a while back.  The church was packed with expats, many of them Asian Americans, and many of those women.  It was a different group from the ones in Hong Kong.  The format was a lot like, an hour of chorus sing-along, followed by a sermon - an inspirational speech to me.

We visited a neighboring restaurant afterwards and I got to know the people more in depth.  There were Taiwanese, Hong Kongnese, Manchesetrite, and German.  They worked a variety of professions, orthodontist, Starbucks, art curator etc.  Overall the quality of the expats are a bit better than the people I met at the meetup event.  They have been living in Shanghai much longer, the shortest period being four years and the longest period over a decade.  They know about China and not the clueless novice.

Again, I feel quite at home in Shanghai.  I feel a bit sad to leave.   I just don't have the same kind of traction in Hong Kong.  I like the city for some aspects, but I don't have a solid friend circle.  I also don't have a good Chinese circle and hanging out with those who are not removes me more and more from my roots.  I feel curious and want to learn.

Two weeks in Hong Kong would have just pass meeting no one new and even when I do, most of the people don't really care and bring no one new to the table.  Tons of single girls in Hong Kong.. I just saw on my wechat updates from other Shanghainese universities'gatherings on a boat trip.  More than 70% girls.  It makes me sick.  Anyway, focus on good positive aspects as I return tomorrow.

Life of a housewife - desperate or blissful?

I visited my sister in law last night.  She is a decade  younger than my brother and has been staying at home ever since she got married, raising her child.  This seemed to be the dream of many young Shanghainese nowadays.  Most average people's salaries are low.  She was just a secretary and had not the rosiest career track ahead of her, and marrying up seemed to be the best alternative.  She was mostly a very straight-forward girl and happy.  I didn't have problem talking to her in the past.

She did not seem that happy this time however, and said her husband often has dinners outside.  I don't think my brother is the cheating type but she said that they're probably dates.  She is turning from a girl to a complaining housewife.

It is the life of many women in China and around the world.  My mother is such a case.  She gave her all to the family and I am not sure how much I or anyone else really appreciated her.  She certainly has no independence even in China.  I'd like to play and have a role in the world.  I like to know and understand and participate, and not retire in the comfort and too-simple life of homely chores.

Two more days in Shanghai.  I definitely had a great time.  There were moments of loneliness, but I have to say that they were definitely few and far in between.  Thinking back to my life in Hong Kong, I had rather few real friends.  People come and share moments of good togetherness but they are not long-lasting.  They can disappear just as easily as they come.  For some reason, in the end of the day, so many of my friends in Hong Kong end up being girls and yet almost all my friends here are guys.  They may be married, but they are still a caring group.  It has its charm and efficiency, but I think Shanghai is definitely happening.

Back to returning to some purchased shoes (too small for my feet, but I had to learn about the complex world of women's shoe size around the world).  and dinner with my friend.

A few observations in Shanghai

Let me jot down a few observations and thoughts about my two weeks in Shanghai before I forget:

- People dress pretty nicely.  - In general, people are better looking than ones in Hong Kong.  Perhaps decades of being an international city in China has exposed Shanghai to various nationalities and cultures from earlier on and people know how to be more fashionable and better present themselves.  Though I know most people do not have a high average salary, they are able to buy a lot of nice stuff cheaply.  The variety is interesting to watch - all the colors and patterns in dresses and clothing.

- I'm not as an outsider as I thought but I'm not as much of an insider as I sometimes think either.  I have become cozy with my Chinese coworkers and mostly they do not reject me as being Chinese or local as most other Chinese would outside of China.

They tell me a lot.  My fellow coworkers are all from the countryside of China and told me many stories of lives in the countryside.  One told me that his relatives allowed his uncle to die and not tell him that he had cancer because it would be an exorbitant amount to treat the disease, a luxury the peasants don't have.  Another uncle almost died not being treated for something that would have cost a few Rmb.  Most people are still poor in China.

- Large population explains everything.  The traffic, the competitive drive, the rigid testing system, the automatic answer to hierarchy, most of it can be traced back to the sheer number of people.  Limited resources and not a lot of people get it.

- There is a lot of talent there just as there is a lot of wasted potential.  I appreciate how much talent there is here.  I feel quite lucky being here that I actually had the chance to accomplish a lot in life and won in so many ways.  Many people work just as hard but never got rewarded.  I had a skewed perspective always comparing myself to the more fortunate and privileged friends around me when I should remember that I am already luckier than so many.  In the same vein, I really like associating myself with real Chinese than just ABC types. I feel a real connection and it's a shame that I had abandoned that relationship somehow in the past.

- I like shopping online.  It's so much cheaper, easier, and I get it delivered the next day.  It's so fun to get a package at home every time I get home.

I feel guilty not having produced more in the past two weeks.  But I think I'll get back on track.

I am wondering if I'd ever get plastic surgery.  I don't like the way my face looks.

A visit to the Google office made me realize...

A guy I met at my alumni event in Shanghai invited me to have lunch with him at the Google office near my building in Lujiazui.  The office was set up a year ago, and despite Google's declining sales and market share in China as a result of its clash with the government, the decor inside was quintessentially colorful, upbeat, and creative.  A private chef cooked all the meals cafeteria-style and we chose what we wanted.  The place was above 60th floor in Shanghai World Financial Center, a normal office building but the view was good from up there.

There were plenty of amenities, massage room, mother's room, pool table, coffee table, library, and a gym.  It was the same kind of setup as you would find in the Silicon Valley.

Somehow speaking to my friends both in engineering and sales, I feel I am much more of a finance/literature kind of gal.  I like what I do.  I like the people I talk to - they are well read and keep a pulse on the economy and the world.  Tech made me dress down all those years and I somehow just didn't get the feminine style and attraction.  It didn't fly well outside of Bay Area.

My ex-crush coworker is still on my mind a lot, but not sitting next to him certainly helps.  I wonder if he thinks about me at all and if he's perhaps together with the private equity girl.  I wonder if she's a spy sent by the government.  I need to find my own love.

Crowds - and subway incident

When I happen to leave home on my long commute to work at a somewhat later time, I am met with a sea of people, rubbing shoulders against one another trying to enter into the subway and trying to manage to get to their destinations stacked aside each other like cans of sardine.  Today was such a day.

I marvel at the sheer number of people, which in fact is the foundation of much of the Chinese psyche.  People are more rude to one another, more honest, because one is just in contact with so many people.  One is also more wary and distrustful, and more competitive, since you realize you need to get resource in the same pool.  People learn to better deal with each other.  An environment with a lot of people helps one understand human nature more.

Back to serious business.  In the crowded subway to my work, I strangely found the guy standing close behind me having an erection right next to my back.  His thing stood up against my butt.  He didn't push but it lightly touched me.  I didn't turn back to see who it is.  It might catch attention of those others standing by and it somehow excited me.  I think I would have just had sex with him - he turned me on.  I think in Japan they have sex clubs where people go into a subway environment to be excited in a lewd way.  I was curious to see who the guy was when I left my station but there were lots of guys and i was embarrassed by what happened.  At last, I've had a close encounter with a Chinese guy.  I'd like to actually 'be' with one in my time here.