"You're not in the West Coast any more. Wear makeup"

I have been going to the new Yoga place these days. After a long day meeting investors and a yoga session, I went to meet up with a local who went to the same business school as me.  He is a simple and honest guy. I told him that I am currently expanding my search for that special one, and that Hong Kong may not ultimately be the place for me.  Other than mentioning that some others in our class who settled in Hong Kong despite not being from Hong Kong (my bad), he suggested that I wear makeup.  I am not in west coast any more.

I do, I contested.  In fact, I do put a fair amount of effort in looking nice everyday, putting makeup on.  I did not at that point because it was at the end of a long day and I had just come out of a yoga session and a shower.  But, he argued, the right guy could just be sitting there.  For the sake of all the potential guys, I should put makeup on.  He wouldn't bring his wife out if she doesn't have makeup on.  They make a lot of difference.

But isn't it a prisoner's dilemma?  I mean, if everyone has makeup, then how special would you be if you too have it on?  Not to say that I don't make the effort.  But if you don't, he argued, you would be eliminated.  Girls at his work go out of their way to extend their eyelashes etc.  He also commented that a girl we both know who went to business school with us is not having any luck in Hong Kong because she does not look too pretty and dresses old.

I appreciate the honesty.  I mentioned to him the possibility of my friend and I getting together since he knows us both and had recommended years ago that I date the guy.  It would be like Mars attacking earth, he said.  I am too outgoing and the guy is inwardly conservative.  Of course, it is always worth a try.

Endless daily distractions and the friend possibility

I've just been wasting too much time.  I try not to but my mind just wanders.  I work on one little errand followed by another task, never working efficiently on the main thing.  The simple goal of doing well in a demanding job has morphed into thoughts about how to make my first million and second, how to find Mr. Right, how to buy the clothes that can reflect my beauty and therefore accomplish the first two goals, how to live a fulfilling life, researching how others have done it, and constantly asking myself if I am doing the right thing.

I don't have much to complain about but I do feel less productive and accomplished when I don't write for a week for work.  There is a bit of fear every time that I would get something wrong or I would not get the full picture to write authoritatively on something.  Concentrate, concentrate concentrate.  The E.gg timer thing recommended in the "Four Hour Worksheek" supposedly helps.

I did not do any of the church things that I planned to do because of work.  Met no one new other than my old business school friend who very recently broke up with his fiancee because she got early stage cancer and his parents objected.  I considered him a possibility since he had most of the background traits similar to me.  Except in the MBTI test, he comes out the exact opposite.  The reason I considered him more is because he was able to date someone three years older than him, and because of his recent loss, he lost a lot of weight and became more sensitive.  Conversations flow between us.  Of course, it is too early to come in in his time of distress.  It wouldn't be fair to the woman too, who I met before and liked.

My office crush has been away in New York with "his family."  Of course the curious and stubborn me wonder what it could be.  Is he there to get a divorce, help his wife move to Hong Kong, help his wife through hard times (like family illness), or simply on summer vacation with an excuse?  I guess none of that really should be my business.  Focus focus focus.

The decision in my mind...

For every big move, one needs to ruminate all the options, weigh in the pros and cons, constantly ask your mind and your heart.  Sometimes those big decisions are thrust upon you, just like fortune and fame sometimes are, making the big move without any external force is a bit harder.  I made that move nine years ago from San Francisco to Hong Kong, and I feel I am perhaps on the edge of making another such move.

I have been thinking more and more - I think my heart is gradually leaving this city.

Clothes at Lane Crawford

As my life improved year after year, my lifestyle also catches up.  It is not at the same pace as my actual improvement, but I do remember in my early years moving from yard sale to K-mart, to Target, and then eventually to some department stores' on sale items.  Of course, as any middle class girl, going shopping for sales item at Zara and Mango is also part of the deal.

Lately, I have noticed the clothes hung in Lane Crawford or Harvey Nichols have such a wider selection and made from better material.  There are just more color, more style, and a lot more pleasing to look at than the often monotone styles in other mass market shops.  They are more expensive and even after sale, I can't find much under US$200.  But they look good.  I could be becoming materialistic, but I think money can improve your life.  Add more color, feeling, and quality to it.  And perhaps that would permeate to your mood and the way you treat others.

Would I be able to spend that much on clothes every month?  It would be good to allow US$1000 every month to buy the newest items.  It wouldn't make a huge difference to the bottom line, but add a lot to my life.  I am also by nature conservative with my money, and am sticking with Shenzhen shopping trips and online shopping for now.  I know where the next step is though...

The three guys this weekend..

Nope, I did not get laid by three separate guys.. the title just denotes the three guys playing a different part in my life here in Hong Kong at the moment.  

First, it is the Indian guy I met through Craigslist a while ago.  He is a kind and very fit person.  Honestly, I think I'd consider being with him if the Chinese race is not so unfriendly toward Indians.  I am not sure if I want to deal with all that.  Anyhow, I lost my keys to my house Thursday night and I went and spent the night at his place.  We slept in the same bed but did not have sex.  My period was starting and I felt frazzled from losing my key and my long time away has made me awkward being with him.  He was sweet.  We talked about Hong Kong, work, etc.

Second guy is a young geeky guy friend.  He came for brunch with a few ex-colleagues.  A kind and helpful guy, he nonetheless is affected by the unique obsession on schools, in the same vein that many here are obsessed about jobs and money.  He kept on bringing examples of overachievers, those who went to the Ivy League etc, yet my ex-colleague and he would complain about how unfair the system is and how most people don't have a shot at it because they are not connected or do not have money.  Another point for leaving Hong Kong.

Third guy is probably one of my best friends in Hong Kong.  He was just about to be married to a Japanese girl when they found that she has cancer.  At his parents' urging, they split up.  It is a sad state of affairs and my role was to cheer him up.  We had dinner and walked around the bay where he wanted to move away from his family.  I like him.  I don't have a strong passion for him as I had for my previous affairs and fixation but his calm and laid-back nature could complement my more firy disposition.  I don't know how it will pan out.  I did spend a long time talking about investment.  I need more self-control and other interest to not talk about that in the future I think.

A city of clerks?

There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in a day.  I start trying to take care of errands here and there, and before I know it, the day would often be over already.  Now I cannot imagine what it would be like trying to take care of a child, running a family etc.  Buying grocery, cooking, running to facials.. and the days are gone.

I am happy I am moving toward my goal of splitting life between Hong Kong and Shanghai.  Since coming back to Hong Kong, I bought five tickets package to Shanghai to be used before March next year.  That leaves me time to visit Shanghai almost every month as planned.  Airport express tickets, also checked. 

Now my heart can be hung in a different spot, I am noticing that I might not really stay here.  Hong Kong has a lot to offer, most of all convenience, but I just don't have the same kind of chemistry with the city and the people.  It just doesn't belong to me.  I can visit, have fun, yet it just isn't me.  

A business friend called it "a city of clerks."  I think there is some truth to that.  After all, it is what makes the city run, what make the businessmen impressed and the bosses happy.  Yet it really has less of a soul because of its expediency.  I say that as a generalization because there are always lots of exceptions.  I remember my first boss telling me as I landed here in almost ten years ago.  Relationships in Hong Kong are superficial he told me.  I could not understand him then.  I never lived in a city like this before.  I understand him now almost a decade later.  

I long to go back to somewhere else now.  I am here because of the convenience of going to work, my two-year gym membership, my facial package, and my Netflix and Hulu.  But in terms of relationships, I just don't meet any real good friends any more.  Not those one can use, but ones one can really feel for, ones that one can fall in love with...

A modern Chinese marriage

Back in Hong Kong and thankful for the fast and uninhibited internet access here.  My ex-crush is out of town on vacation.  I'm reminded of a dinner conversation I had with my Chinese returnee entrepreneur friends last week.

He likes talking about money and power, and emphasized the importance of power, especially in China.  In our march toward mid age, we all realize a bit how the world works and how limited our potential for power and money really is.

Anyhow, he and his wife mentioned how in the premier Chinese finance shops, the lower level people all have government connections.  Those workers, the ones who rose through Tsinghua and Beida, with overseas experience, often try to marry into the political family for further support.  This reminded me of someone I know who married his associate.  I told them about it.  They immediately told me that he must have either knocked her up or she's so-and-so's daughter.  "But couldn't he have married for love?" I asked. "No.  People don't do that in China."  the wife interjected.

I guess they don't mean all of China but rather in the sensitive spot between finance and politics.  It makes sense.  It is expedient.

First visit to church in Shanghai and last night in Shanghai

I visited an English Christian church in the center or town in the afternoon, catching up for dessert with a young Chinese Canadian guy I met in a meetup event a while back.  The church was packed with expats, many of them Asian Americans, and many of those women.  It was a different group from the ones in Hong Kong.  The format was a lot like, an hour of chorus sing-along, followed by a sermon - an inspirational speech to me.

We visited a neighboring restaurant afterwards and I got to know the people more in depth.  There were Taiwanese, Hong Kongnese, Manchesetrite, and German.  They worked a variety of professions, orthodontist, Starbucks, art curator etc.  Overall the quality of the expats are a bit better than the people I met at the meetup event.  They have been living in Shanghai much longer, the shortest period being four years and the longest period over a decade.  They know about China and not the clueless novice.

Again, I feel quite at home in Shanghai.  I feel a bit sad to leave.   I just don't have the same kind of traction in Hong Kong.  I like the city for some aspects, but I don't have a solid friend circle.  I also don't have a good Chinese circle and hanging out with those who are not removes me more and more from my roots.  I feel curious and want to learn.

Two weeks in Hong Kong would have just pass meeting no one new and even when I do, most of the people don't really care and bring no one new to the table.  Tons of single girls in Hong Kong.. I just saw on my wechat updates from other Shanghainese universities'gatherings on a boat trip.  More than 70% girls.  It makes me sick.  Anyway, focus on good positive aspects as I return tomorrow.

Life of a housewife - desperate or blissful?

I visited my sister in law last night.  She is a decade  younger than my brother and has been staying at home ever since she got married, raising her child.  This seemed to be the dream of many young Shanghainese nowadays.  Most average people's salaries are low.  She was just a secretary and had not the rosiest career track ahead of her, and marrying up seemed to be the best alternative.  She was mostly a very straight-forward girl and happy.  I didn't have problem talking to her in the past.

She did not seem that happy this time however, and said her husband often has dinners outside.  I don't think my brother is the cheating type but she said that they're probably dates.  She is turning from a girl to a complaining housewife.

It is the life of many women in China and around the world.  My mother is such a case.  She gave her all to the family and I am not sure how much I or anyone else really appreciated her.  She certainly has no independence even in China.  I'd like to play and have a role in the world.  I like to know and understand and participate, and not retire in the comfort and too-simple life of homely chores.

Two more days in Shanghai.  I definitely had a great time.  There were moments of loneliness, but I have to say that they were definitely few and far in between.  Thinking back to my life in Hong Kong, I had rather few real friends.  People come and share moments of good togetherness but they are not long-lasting.  They can disappear just as easily as they come.  For some reason, in the end of the day, so many of my friends in Hong Kong end up being girls and yet almost all my friends here are guys.  They may be married, but they are still a caring group.  It has its charm and efficiency, but I think Shanghai is definitely happening.

Back to returning to some purchased shoes (too small for my feet, but I had to learn about the complex world of women's shoe size around the world).  and dinner with my friend.

A few observations in Shanghai

Let me jot down a few observations and thoughts about my two weeks in Shanghai before I forget:

- People dress pretty nicely.  - In general, people are better looking than ones in Hong Kong.  Perhaps decades of being an international city in China has exposed Shanghai to various nationalities and cultures from earlier on and people know how to be more fashionable and better present themselves.  Though I know most people do not have a high average salary, they are able to buy a lot of nice stuff cheaply.  The variety is interesting to watch - all the colors and patterns in dresses and clothing.

- I'm not as an outsider as I thought but I'm not as much of an insider as I sometimes think either.  I have become cozy with my Chinese coworkers and mostly they do not reject me as being Chinese or local as most other Chinese would outside of China.

They tell me a lot.  My fellow coworkers are all from the countryside of China and told me many stories of lives in the countryside.  One told me that his relatives allowed his uncle to die and not tell him that he had cancer because it would be an exorbitant amount to treat the disease, a luxury the peasants don't have.  Another uncle almost died not being treated for something that would have cost a few Rmb.  Most people are still poor in China.

- Large population explains everything.  The traffic, the competitive drive, the rigid testing system, the automatic answer to hierarchy, most of it can be traced back to the sheer number of people.  Limited resources and not a lot of people get it.

- There is a lot of talent there just as there is a lot of wasted potential.  I appreciate how much talent there is here.  I feel quite lucky being here that I actually had the chance to accomplish a lot in life and won in so many ways.  Many people work just as hard but never got rewarded.  I had a skewed perspective always comparing myself to the more fortunate and privileged friends around me when I should remember that I am already luckier than so many.  In the same vein, I really like associating myself with real Chinese than just ABC types. I feel a real connection and it's a shame that I had abandoned that relationship somehow in the past.

- I like shopping online.  It's so much cheaper, easier, and I get it delivered the next day.  It's so fun to get a package at home every time I get home.

I feel guilty not having produced more in the past two weeks.  But I think I'll get back on track.

I am wondering if I'd ever get plastic surgery.  I don't like the way my face looks.

A visit to the Google office made me realize...

A guy I met at my alumni event in Shanghai invited me to have lunch with him at the Google office near my building in Lujiazui.  The office was set up a year ago, and despite Google's declining sales and market share in China as a result of its clash with the government, the decor inside was quintessentially colorful, upbeat, and creative.  A private chef cooked all the meals cafeteria-style and we chose what we wanted.  The place was above 60th floor in Shanghai World Financial Center, a normal office building but the view was good from up there.

There were plenty of amenities, massage room, mother's room, pool table, coffee table, library, and a gym.  It was the same kind of setup as you would find in the Silicon Valley.

Somehow speaking to my friends both in engineering and sales, I feel I am much more of a finance/literature kind of gal.  I like what I do.  I like the people I talk to - they are well read and keep a pulse on the economy and the world.  Tech made me dress down all those years and I somehow just didn't get the feminine style and attraction.  It didn't fly well outside of Bay Area.

My ex-crush coworker is still on my mind a lot, but not sitting next to him certainly helps.  I wonder if he thinks about me at all and if he's perhaps together with the private equity girl.  I wonder if she's a spy sent by the government.  I need to find my own love.

Crowds - and subway incident

When I happen to leave home on my long commute to work at a somewhat later time, I am met with a sea of people, rubbing shoulders against one another trying to enter into the subway and trying to manage to get to their destinations stacked aside each other like cans of sardine.  Today was such a day.

I marvel at the sheer number of people, which in fact is the foundation of much of the Chinese psyche.  People are more rude to one another, more honest, because one is just in contact with so many people.  One is also more wary and distrustful, and more competitive, since you realize you need to get resource in the same pool.  People learn to better deal with each other.  An environment with a lot of people helps one understand human nature more.

Back to serious business.  In the crowded subway to my work, I strangely found the guy standing close behind me having an erection right next to my back.  His thing stood up against my butt.  He didn't push but it lightly touched me.  I didn't turn back to see who it is.  It might catch attention of those others standing by and it somehow excited me.  I think I would have just had sex with him - he turned me on.  I think in Japan they have sex clubs where people go into a subway environment to be excited in a lewd way.  I was curious to see who the guy was when I left my station but there were lots of guys and i was embarrassed by what happened.  At last, I've had a close encounter with a Chinese guy.  I'd like to actually 'be' with one in my time here.